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Us Vs Them: Why Sobriety Wasnt the Marriage Saver I Thought It Would Be

I discovered that those traits were his innate qualities and not alcohol-induced. I knew that without it, he would eventually destroy our relationship and his life. We had a clear vision of our life together that had been interrupted by his substance use disorder. I was eager, at times perhaps too much, to get us back on track. Without the cornerstone of Bill’s recovery, none of this would be possible again. The remedy Sober House did not end with sobriety; that’s where it started. Next, he had to create a treatment plan consisting of therapy, medication, and fellowship to avoid relapse. At first, the idea that if left untreated, his substance use disorder could become a chronic condition was a lot to absorb. At First Steps Recovery, we are committed to helping those in their most desperate time. We are a Luxury Drug Treatment Center in Clovis.

Communicate with your spouse and commit to change. While you may harbor resentment or anger toward your spouse, it’s often counterproductive or damaging to constantly rehash these feelings. Instead, you can vent and navigate your emotions in a personal journal. Journaling can help you process your emotions without hurting your spouse or causing an unnecessary argument. As an industry professional 12 Keys has become one of my most trusted resources.

Put Your Feelings in Writing

Spouses play an important role in encouraging and helping their significant others manage stress and cope with triggers, especially in early recovery. While you can get help at the same time, recovery is an individual journey. The underlying cause of addiction is as unique as you are. During your treatment, trained rehabilitation professionals can address your individual detox and healing needs. If you’ve decided to get sober together, this is an incredible and powerful step to take as a couple. By walking through the recovery process together, you’ll both become stronger and healthier on the other side.

That is where you will find your family and yourself. It has been nearly one year since his last drink. Yet it has been 11 years since I have truly felt safe, since I have truly felt loved. We have our moments—great moments—and they are getting better, they are getting more frequent, but it is still work. We still have a lot of work to do and, unfortunately, we are still victims of our past. It is what we do with that past that defines us, not what has happened. As we shifted the sobriety count from days to weeks and, later, months, we became more in tune with one another, but we were still two strangers living apart. On September 7, 2014 I came up for air, for the first time in 10 years. The salty taste of swallowed tears stung my throat, I was still gasping from fear and choking on uncertainty, but a weight was lifted. As I saw him pour an entire bottle of Jack Daniel’s down the drain, my lungs were able to expand, and with each breath my body became lighter and my mind clearer.

Essential Reads

Being patient will be key in getting your marriage back on track, whether you’re living with an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery or you are an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery. Instead, it’s best to treat the marriage as a new relationship. Get to know the “new” version of your spouse (or help your spouse become acquainted with the “new” you). Patiently work on rebuilding communication, trust, support, respect, and intimacy. Sometimes you have to move backward before you can ever hope to go forward. In a marriage in early sobriety from alcoholism, marriage after sobriety the first step to our recovery was to look back over our shoulders and deal with the aftermath of my two-and-a-half decades of drinking. You and your spouse can begin the journey to recovery together at 12 Keys Rehab. Located in Florida, 12 Keys Rehab offers a strong plan of recovery that includes body, mind, spirit and family to help addicts become free of drugs and alcohol. Your partner may stay at a treatment facility where he or she will attend group or individual counseling, recovery meetings and other programs to promote recovery.

Putting children or others’ lives at risk with their intoxication or behavior while intoxicated. Drugs, alcohol or drug paraphernalia hidden around the house. That “how do other people know how to do this” part really hit home for me. But that’s true of life whether you try to drink it away or not. If your marriage was strained at all when you drank it will likely be strained in recovery. He helped me through it, sometimes by just being a physical presence.

The Don’ts of Dealing with an Addicted Spouse

Addiction is a disease that affects the way a person thinks and reasons. Once it takes hold, satisfying the urge to use or to drink comes first, and people will do anything to get their drug of choice. Addiction has no logic, morals, or reason; it only wants what it wants. It is not a moral failing or lack of willpower – it is a progressive, fatal disease.

Whether one or both of you struggle with a substance use problem, there is hope. Here are a few strategies to consider as you set out to rebuild your marriage after the devastation of addiction. If addiction has impacted your marriage, you may be wondering if the only solution is to separate from your spouse. With work, determination and love, you and your spouse may be able to recover and restore your marriage after addiction. Getting your marriage back on track after sobriety won’t be easy, but it can be done with hard work, patience, and communication. Professional help may also be necessary as you work to rebuild your relationship.

Although rebuilding trust and intimacy will be difficult, you can put your marriage back together using the tips below. I had to recover from addiction, and my wife had to recover from so many years spent in codependency and dysfunction. We both had an uphill battle, but on top of all of that—on top of what we thought were the greatest challenges of our lives—we had to try to recover our marriage. And we didn’t have a clue how to begin to do that. Whatever you do, if you plan to stay in the relationship, know it’s going to be hard work.

  • Individualized, evidence based treatment, to fit your needs.
  • In this country, getting wasted is a staple of Western expat life and we were eager participants.
  • The people who knew you when you were using no doubt got used to you denying that you had an addiction or trying to use them in some way.
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